Dear Mr. Cage,
I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time that my boyfriend (I’ll call him “Cletus” to protect his identity) has been cheating on me. I’m getting the usual signs, sometimes at night, the phone will ring and when I answer it, the caller hangs up. Also, Cletus has been going out a lot recently and when I ask who with, he just says, “Just some dudes from work, you don’t know them.” I once answered Carl’s cell phone while he was in the shower and even though it was his mom calling, he yelled at me and told me to mind my own business.
Anyway, I have never talked to Cletus about any of this, because maybe deep down I’m scared that the relationship is over. But last night I wanted to be sure, so I parked my car outside of his work and waited. Around the time he was supposed to get off I got really hungry so I stopped into the bar down the block for a grilled cheese and a pint. When I returned to the car, I noticed an oil leak spreading out from under my car.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Thank you,
Rene Incognito
Dear Rene,
Wow, what a prediciment! If I weren’t an expert on just about everything, I might be at a loss on how to advise you!
Take her to the dealer, as long as she’s under warantee. I have a few cars, a 1999 Aston Martin DB7 named Mary, a 1962 Aston Martin DB1 named Barbara, a 1999 Bentley Arnage named Lindsey, a 2000 Bentley Azure named Laura, a 1964 Bentley Continental named Alma, a 1959 Cadillac Eldorado named Madeline, a 1958 Cadillac Eldorado Brougham named Patricia, a 2000 Cadillac Escalade named Carol, a 1997 Cadillac STS named Daniella, a 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air Convertible named Stefanie, a 1969 Chevro Camaro Z28 named Erin, a 1953 Chevrolet Corvette named Pamela, a 1967 Chevrolet Corvette Sting Ray named Olga, a 4x4 Modified Pickup from sometime between 1980 and 1990 named Anne, a 1971 DeTomaso Pantera named Kate, a 1969/70 Dodge Daytona named Vanessa, a 1998 Dodge Viper Coupe GTS named Denise, a 1995 Ferrari 355 B named Diane, a 1997 Ferrari 355 F1 named Lisa, a 1967 Ferrari 265 GTB/4 named Nadine, a 1999 Ferrari 550 Maranello named Angelina, a 1987 Ferrari Testarossa named Rose, a 1956 Ford TnamedBird named Susan, a 1999 GMC Yukon named Tracey, a 1999 Infiniti Q45 named Rachel, a Jaguar XJ220 from sometime between 1990 and 1994 named Bernadene, a 2000 Jaguar XK8 Coupe named Deborah, a 1994 Lamborghini Diablo named Stacey, a 1990 Lamborghini LM SUV named Josephine, a 2000 Lexus LS 400 named Hillary, a 2000 Lincoln Navigator named Kimberley, a 1966 Lotus Europa S1 named Renee, a 1954named57 Mercedes Benz 300 SL/Gullwing named Dorothy, a 2000 Mercedes Benz CL 500 named Donna, a 2000 Mercedes Benz S 600 named Samantha, a 1998 Mercedes Benz SL 600 named Ellen, a 1950 Mercury Custom named Gabriela, a 1971 Plymouth Hemi ‘Cuda named Shannon, a 1969 Plymouth Super Bee named Jessica, a 1965 Pontiac GTO named Sharon, a 2000 Porsche 996 named Tina, a 2000 Porsche Boxster named Marsha, a 1961 Porsche Speedster named Natalie, a 1987/88 Porsche 959 named Virginia, a 1997 Porsche 911 Twin Turbo named Tanya, a 2000 Rolls Stretch limo named Grace, a 1966 Shelby AC Cobra named Ashley, a 1967 named Eleanor, a 2000 Toyota Land Cruiser named Cathy, a 1998 Toyota Supra Turbo named Lynn, and a 2000 Volvo Turbo Wagon R named Lisa, and I don’t mess around with their maintenance at all.
Now here’s my question for you, where did you get your grilled cheese? I am not only a connoisseur of fine cars, but also of sandwiches.
Sincerely, Nic Cage.
